By His Grace

Christ's Coming

About a week ago, I went on a one day silent retreat to reflect on the Advent season. The leader had us use a painting from the 1400’s called "The Annunciation" by Fra Angelico to help us focus our time alone. After contemplating for an hour or so, I needed to get up and move, so I strolled along the glass enclosed walkway. Snow had fallen the day before leaving a fresh clean pallet surrounding the retreat center. When I saw the expansive patio I could not resist going out and making a snow angel, which resulted in damp jeans and a big smile on my face. Once back in the warm, I pulled out my phone to snap a picture and when I looked at the image, I was surprised to see a beam of light matching the one in the painting. It was like my own personal annunciation of Christ’s coming. I hope these images draw you into reflection on what this season is all about.

 

Hospitality

When you extend hospitality to others, you are not trying to impress people, you're trying to reflect God to them... We are here on earth to be God's people. We are here to show others the same God who came here to the earth. ~Max Lucado

 

In the past few years I have been leaning that when I have people in my home, hospitality does not primarily consist of having everything spotless and cleaning up the kitchen right after dinner so that it’s all neat and tidy. Instead it requires me to make others feel comfortable. And sometimes a little mess is what we need. Rather than washing the dishes, I can leave them in the sink and focus my energies on listening and loving those with me. They are more important than a clean house.

 

And quite frankly, that is a message I need to learn for myself. God would rather be with me then have me running around serving him to the point that I ignore him. He came to initiate a loving relationship not to impress me with his neatness. And he wants the same hospitality from me.

Treasure

When Randy and I bought this house, we knew it was a good choice, but it needed some work and updating. Over the summer I would constantly walk into a room and see all the things that needed to get done – painting, new flooring, furniture, fixing broken things, etc. Then I’d walk outside and see all the things I needed to do there – trimming tree branches, getting the weeds out of the grass, cutting back the over grown flowerbeds… I could never just enjoy the house or the yard. We’d talked about having a house warming which just made my need to get it all looking great even stronger.

 

Jesus says, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” So true. My mental attention was constantly on this house and all the physical things associated with it. I valued not only the house itself but the opinions of others about my house.

 

But then a funny thing happened. We went ahead and scheduled the open house for the staff and elders of our church. Being organized, I could calculate that there was no way we could get it all done before they came over, and suddenly I stopped worrying about it. I stopped thinking I needed to get everything done right now. Somehow choosing to focus on the people – in this case, welcoming them into my home – freed me from the tyranny of the earthly treasure. Enjoying them became more important than looking good. And this shift in my heart was a result of the shift in my treasure. After all, they will be with me forever in heaven (something that cannot be said about this house!).

 

I still have updates I’d like to make. But last Saturday when we had around 30 people over, I relaxed and enjoyed my new treasure. Those relationships will be so much more life giving then this house will ever be.

"His own love for us"

This past week Ava and her parents stayed with us for a couple days. She is always such a joy, but this time she was also a tool of learning for me.

 

When we moved in, we set up the house so that there are only a couple things within her reach that she’s not allowed to touch – we want her to feel free to explore, but also learn that some things are off limits, that there are boundaries. In the family room, the stack of electronics under the TV is one of those things. Ava knew they were off limits because she’d stop every time we’d warn her. But when she thought we weren’t looking, she’d crawl straight for them. I’d see her and say “Ava” and she’d stop and look at me. Once I was sitting on the floor with her and warned her again not to touch them. She got a pouty lip and with a big sigh dropped her chin to her chest. I could see her thinking, trying to weigh the consequence (a flick on her hand) with her desire to touch. How early we want what is not good for us, what God has warned us to stay away from. The sinful impulse is so strong that without God we are unable to resist.

 

Later that evening, I was making dinner and Ava was crawling around the kitchen. She’d not gotten a nap that day and was so tired. Suddenly she was done. She crawled over to me and pulled herself up on my legs. Through big tears and wailing, she begged to be picked up and held. My heart just ached for her. At the moment I had my hands covered in sausage from the lasagna I was making; but as fast as I could I rushed through the preparation, washed off my hands, and scooped her up off the floor. She buried her head in my chest and we held on tightly for a few minutes as she calmed down.

 

As that moment I really understood the verse, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8). No matter that she was insistent on touching those electronics, when she let out her cry of desperation, I loved her so much that I could not leave her there. I longed to respond to those up-lifted arms. God is the same – yet though I sin, he loves me and will do whatever it takes, even his own death to be with me.

Surviving the grief

Yesterday morning I got a call at about 7:45am that my brother-in-law, Jonathan, was in the hospital. He has had cancer and a few months ago the doctors said there was not much more they could do. It was everywhere – in his legs, lungs, spine, and brain. About 15 minutes later I got another call – he was gone. He was 29 years old.

 

He’d been throwing up the previous day and after a long night my sister and his father decided he needed to be admitted. I think he was there about an hour before he died. Although we knew he was not well, it still comes as a shock to hear those words. Death is such a harsh thing, so cold and so final. Right now I’m numb and broken hearted for my sister who finds herself a widow at the age of 24.

 

I’ve blogged about his experience before (see Oct. 30, 2008) and how much God was doing in him during this time. And I’m thankful for it. Yet I am so aware that clearly I don’t understand God’s ways. Nor do I comprehend how life happens after death. The Orthodox Christian Church teaches that death in Genesis was a grace of God. When Adam and Eve sinned they were doomed to be separated from God for eternity. Death put an end to that separation so that we would have the hope of new life reunited with the one who created and loves us. In this moment, its one thing I can hold on to because without the hope of the gospel I would not be able to survive the grief of death.

Good Friday

During our Good Friday service as people were walking up to take communion, scripture passages telling the story of Jesus’ death were playing on the screen. As I sat in the pew, I read these words from John 19:

 

Then the soldiers, when they had crucified Jesus, took His outer garments and made four parts, a part to every soldier and also the tunic; now the tunic was seamless, woven in one piece. So they said to one another, "Let us not tear it, but cast lots for it, to decide whose it shall be."

 

I imagined Jesus looking down at these soldiers. In that moment I realized if they were casting lots for his tunic which is like our undergarments, then he would have been naked.

 

Instantly a memory came back of reading the book “The Hiding Place” by Corrie ten Boom. She and her family lived in Holland during WWII and hid Jews in their home. Eventually they were betrayed and the Nazis sent Corrie and her sister Betsie to a concentration camp. At one point during their captivity, the prisoners were humiliated by being stripped of their clothing and paraded naked before an examining committee. As they stood waiting their turn, Betsie whispered to Corrie to remember that even though our modern art depicts Jesus with a discreet loin cloth, he hung on the cross naked as added humiliation. Therefore, he could understand their humiliation and could care for them even in the midst of this horrible experience.

 

These thoughts struck me quickly and with intensity, being embarrassed at the image of a naked God yet so aware of my own nakedness before him. He can see the depths of my sinfulness and he has met me there. We call it “Good” Friday. And it is good. But in a painful way as we gaze upon the one who humbled himself to depths of naked humiliation so that we could identify and unite with him.

Notes from a hospital bed

This is an excerpt from an e-mail my brother-in-law recently sent. His faith is inspiring and I asked if I could share his message with my blog readers.

 

It’s been 3 weeks since I had surgery to remove a tumor from my spine. Never thought I would spend this long in a hospital, but who would? All the medical facts and figures aside – it’s been one experience I’ll never forget. While you may say ‘duh’ to that statement - you need to know why. I believe God is at work here as he always has been even when I don't see it or chose to ignore it. Do I believe God gave me this cancer to teach me a lesson? No. I got cancer because we live in a fallen world filled with disease, death and a doctor who failed to do his job: For 4 years I showed him the growing, irritated mole on my shoulder. Instead of doing an excision and biopsy - which is normal procedure - he used a nitrogen freeze to remove it but the specimens were never examined. They were thrown out. One biopsy and we could have avoided the whole thing!

 

However, I do believe God uses these screwed up situations to reveal Himself and draw us to Him in ways we never imagined. There are two things I am learning as I watch His hands at work around me.

 

1) With everything I’ve been through, I have a good reason to be upset and even angry. But as a Christian, I have a greater reason to forgive. This is not so easy but it is necessary. It’s a struggle I have faced for the last 5 years. I may still feel the emotions when I pass his office but I know I must give these emotions up at the foot of the cross and let God turn them into something far more powerful than hatred. The same way that God forgives us our sin, I am learning to forgive the doctor’s sin. Forgiveness is a choice - one that has to be made repeatedly. Our emotions are fleeting and temporary but true peace is found when we give them up before the throne of grace.

 

2) This life is not my own. There's a shocker, huh? It's amazing to me how we Christians forget this simple truth – it’s by God's grace we even have the ability to breathe and live! We take it for granted and just assume everything is supposed to work out because we love Jesus! That’s not what my Bible says. It says there will be troubles, there will be problems, there will be death, disease and taxes. But it also says we’re never alone. God created us and he always hears our prayers. He knows what troubles our hearts better than we do. How wonderful is that!? And yet we often think He doesn't hear or doesn't care despite his promises. For me, I have been laying in this hospital room for almost 3 weeks with setback after setback holding up my recovery and wondering "God, where are you in all this? Why won't you let me in on your plan?" I’ve been a Christian for most of my life but I’m still learning what it means to really trust God and be totally dependent on Him for everything. I’m a control freak who likes to know all the details and plan everything out and get it done! Life doesn’t always work that way, in fact it’s usually the opposite. Not an easy lesson for a hardhead like me! But while I’m saying "God why don’t you fix this?” he’s saying "Be still and know I am God." At different times we feel closer or farther from God but the real truth is He is always there.

 

These realities have never hit me so hard as they have these last 3 weeks. I'm not saying I have this all figured out or I’m some super Christian. What I am saying is that God is dealing with me in ways that I don’t fully understand. But I do know He is at work whatever comes of my life - however long it may be. I have to relearn (again and again) that I need to stop trying to control my life as if I had the right to do so! The biggest mistake we make is to say "Yeah God I believe in you, but I got this life thing under control so you can just hang out in case I need you." God is not the co-pilot - He's the Commander in Chief! So why do we treat Him like anything less?

 

CS Lewis once said, "It's easy to trust the strength of a chord when using it to tie up a box, but it’s a different kind of trust when you are clinging to that same chord for dear life!"

His Yoke is Easy

It’s been a month since I last posted – not because I’ve been too busy, more like I’ve been too still. My heart has felt like it’s been in cardiac arrest dealing with all the things going on in my family. Thankfully Ruth is still with us, although she is house bound as is my mom who must care for her. But things have not gotten any easier.

The very next day after I blogged about Ruth, we found out my brother-in-law had a tumor in his spine. A week later he went into the hospital and he’s been there ever since. I can’t even fathom what my sister, his wife, is going through as she copes with two people she loves being so sick. Then last week my mom found out there is still a hole in her retina and the doctors are most likely going to want to operate (although my mom says she’s done with surgery for awhile and I can’t blame her.)

Next to all this the fact that neither Randy nor I have jobs seems like the easy burden. I remember this story I once heard: a woman who is overwhelmed with life collapses on her bed in tears. She begs God to change her circumstances. As she falls into a deep sleep the weight on her back gets lighter and she sees God lift a cross off her back. He opens a door and sets it down before leading her along a thin hallway to another door. Upon pushing it open she sees a row of crosses some ornate, some rough, each of a different size. Silently God leads her down the row and points to the name plaques at the bottom. These are names she knows! Her friend whose daughter has Autism; her uncle who the doctor just told has Alzheimer’s, the neighbor whose is about to lose her house; the mail man who hides a prosthetic leg under his crisp blue pants…

God asks, “Is there a cross you would rather have?”

“These all seem like such hard burden’s to carry.” She looks down the long row and sees a smaller one, not fancy, but worn smooth. “What about that one?”

“That’s the one I took from you a few moments ago.”

Her lips trembled. “Why do we have to carry a cross at all?”

“Because I carried one for you. And only in joining me can you learn to love as I first loved you.”

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matt 11:28-30)

Lord, teach me to love as you have loved – always praying for those I see that they would come to you in times of trial. May my soul find rest in you as I open my heart to those around me – loving them and in so doing loving you.

Love your neighbor as yourself

Last week (Wednesday to Saturday), David, Christopher and I attended the Catalyst Conference in Atlanta, GA. Wow! It was so fun – some great music including and opera singer, bagpipes, shofar, jazz band, gospel choir… And super creative with a magician, 11,000 dominos, and even a live camel at one point! But the real purpose was to inspire and challenge young leaders – there were people of all ages, but lots of high school and college students.

Particularly inspiring was Pastor Francis Chan of Cornerstone Community Church in Simi Valley, CA. He has a huge church and one night he told his wife, “If Jesus had a church in our area, ours would be bigger than his. In fact people would leave his church to come to mine because I would require less commitment.” That realization rocked him to the core and forced him to reexamine everything they were doing. Taking the call to love your neighbor as yourself seriously, they decided that instead of building a massive building for their church, they would create an outdoor grass field and give the rest of the money away – loving their neighbor with at least as much money as they kept for themselves. Just the thought was so incredible.

What would it look like if I gave half my salary away? It sure would affect the way I think about money. Although I do tithe, I think I’m going to try and increase that amount. That will at least get me moving in the right direction. But I must admit 50% seems impossible. OK God, if that’s something you want for me, show me the way and “I Will.”

Learning the Bible

When I was in 1^st and 2^nd grade, I attended a Christian school at the church where my Dad worked. I remember 3 things about my education during that time:

1.        We colored a picture that we turned into a plastic plate and I gave it to my parents for a present. I think my Mom might still have it.

2.        I got spanked twice during 2^nd grade – both times for hitting. The first time I had failed a spelling test and this girl was trying to get my paper to show the other kids how stupid I was. I hit her to keep her away. The second time I promised to play with another girl, but changed my mind. When she harassed me, I hit her. I definitely had some anger issues at that young age that I eventually had to work out in counseling.

3.        But my most formative memory is that every day we would read from “The Picture Bible.” It’s the Bible in comic book form and I loved it. I must have read through it 10 times over the course of the next few years – absorbing all the characters and major stories.

There are certain stories where I can still recall the pictures: for example in 2Samuel 1, a messenger came to David and told him that he had found King Saul wounded on the battle field and at the king’s request had killed Saul. The side note said that the man was telling a lie in hopes of getting a reward, but David berates him for killing a man appointed by God. Instead of a reward, the man loses his life. I’ll tell you what – that motivates an 8 year old not to lie! Some parents might think that’s a little intense for their kids – but it’s no worse than the stuff they watch on TV or play in video games.

For me, I trace the foundations of my faith to The Picture Bible. By the time I was able to read the “real” one, I already knew the characters and basic chronology and was able to focus on learning the truths behind the words. About 10 years ago, I looked to see if the book was still in print and to my surprise it was! So now sitting proudly on my shelf is a book I am forever indented to because it shaped the course of my faith.